It did end off somewhat bad. after we had our conversation, it was somewhat better and it became all clear to me.. and i thought to myself: this is the end of a huge chapter in my life. its okay tho, cus ill be fine. i always am. times get tough but i always find a way to get back on my feet. i just keep telling myself, "time will heal." and i know it will.
yes. you were a huge chunk of me. yes. we went thru a lot together. but after all of this, i realized i learned so much from you and our good and hard times together. since you were a big part of my life, its hard to think of you as nothing in my life. i always did go back and tried to rewind and tried to make it better for the both of us. but not this time.. because i've changed. for the better. dont get me wrong tho, youre the one person that ill never forget. i cant forget. we've shared too many new experiences together to just erase the slate clean.
just because we've come to the end of the road of us doesnt mean you're bad for me. we're both just in different stages in our lives. everything happens for the better and theres no looking back now. of course i think about you every single day and try to smile, even though it hurts that we dont have the same relationship as we used to and we wont have the same laughs and inside jokes together we had. all the inside jokes and pranks we pulled together just even laying in bed while talking are moments im gonna cherish. from our moments we spent at laguna beach to bj's resturant dinners to our random nights of scrabble... i'll always remember. but truthfully, i've honestly always thought that we would be taking our steps together and be having our random nights together throughout our whole future.
you're my past, but you'll never fade. im trying my best to get over the past and accept the new things that life is gonna throw at me. through the 2 and a half years that we've been together, you did help me to keep pushing forward through all i do in life and i appreciate that. you've always been a huge part of my support group. but through all this time, as you were pushing me forward during certain times... i realized that you were just holding me back.. in some ways. i honestly did give you my everything, thinking that i'd be yours forever and you'd be my forever. but from this point on, i'm only gonna be moving forward to what i want in life. my career. my future. that's what you wanted in life too wasnt it? your career. im assuming that your done with us for good... i keep trying to replay in my head WHAT just happened to us, but i still dont a hundered percent get it... i dont agree with some of the choices you made relating to that, but i guess people see things completely different than one thinks that they would. i was willing to stick by your side through all the hard times and tired times you had at work. i was willing to meet you halfway. i really was willing to.. for you. yeah there are moments that i acted as i couldnt deal, but its only cus after seeing you every week, its not that easy to adjust that quick and easy... yeah, i did hate it when i couldnt see you tho.
don't think that i'm leaving you in my past and leaving you there. As i move forward, dont get me wrong and think that i'm walking away to leave you behind to forget about you as well as your pretty little face. its your decision to follow me/be behind me to the new destination that i plan to go to. cus honestly... i dont think that we're heading towards the same place. i'm not even sure you want the same things as i do... in a relationship. in life. i assumed way too quick about the person you were and in what you wanted from US. but i still love you as a person and appreciate every single little thing you've ever done for me. i dont know the reason why you didnt want to take the time to talk about the end of us or the reasons why you choose the choices you've made... but i thought that i needed to let this out all at once. i never met anyone in my life who dealt with my flaws the way that you did. and i thank you.
so, all im trying to say is...
everything happens for a reason. i wish the best for you and in everything you do. youre my number one and you'll always be. my first love. the love of my life. if you ever need something, you know i'll always be here, so don't hesitate to reach me. you were an amazing man to me and i had the most amazing 2 1/2 years of my life...while it lasted. i'll always love you.
Love,
jenn
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